NEXT MEETING: TBD

The Premise: We're all God's children, unique and wonderful. He planned for us to be the way we are and loves us for it, as humans don't always completely understand ourselves, much less our partners. In our relationships, we sometimes take our differences personally. Occasionally, we even think our partners are being difficult on purpose. The  Birkman Premarital Workshop uses the internationally acclaimed Birkman Personality Profile to provide partners with tools to understand each other on multiple levels, appreciate their strengths, positively utilize their differences, and find new ways to communicate to affect a stronger relationship. The workshop also seeks to pair couples up with mentor couples to learn from them and walk through the acclaimed book "The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work" as well as create a relationship where the younger couple can learn from the older.

Methodology: Participants are sent a link to take the Birkman Questionnaire. It takes about 30 minutes to complete. The results are mailed to the facilitator, who will review them through the workshop. Each participant will receive a notebook with their results and comparisons to their partner. Participants will then be matched with a mentor couple to meet with and discuss "The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work". "The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work" is a book that provides valuable insights on building and maintaining a successful marriage. It outlines seven fundamental principles couples can follow to strengthen their relationship and make it work in the long run. The book can be a valuable resource for anyone wanting to improve their marriage or ensure their relationship stays strong and healthy. "Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work is "based on the book by John Gottman and Nan Silver. It is the acclaimed culmination of four decades of research made widely available for couples who long for better relationships. The seven principles are:    

1. Deepening your knowledge of one another.
2. Building friendship and trust.
3. Recognizing and responding to bids for emotional connection.
4. Being open to influence.
5. Understanding and working with both solvable and complex problems.
6. Getting through gridlocked conflict.
7. Creating a unique "Story of Us."

The Process: The workshop will be conducted in two sessions: Friday night from 6 to 9 pm and Saturday from 9 am to 2:30 pm. There will be numerous group activities and exercises with plenty of breaks. There will be two mentor official mentor sessions, one before and one after the workshop weekend. The first meeting is to get the book and meet one another. The second session will be to discuss the book after reading, ask questions, and talk about the workshop experience. We hope and encourage these mentor meetings to continue past these two official times.

We'll cover these topics:

• Birkman Colors. Are you a red "Doer," a yellow "Analyzer," a green "Communicator," or a blue "Thinker"?
• The Birkman Map – We'll have a diagram of the four colors on the floor, and participants will place themselves on it based on their colors.
•  Birkman Interests. Where are your passions? What gives you energy? What types of things sap your energy? Couples can guess their partner's top two and bottom two Interests. Nobody has gotten in right in my 10+ years of doing this at Chapelwood, regardless of how long they've been together.
• Introduction to Birkman Components. What is your Usual Style and strength, and how do you show up? What are your expectations and your Needs? What do you need from your environment to be at your best? What causes you Stress when your needs aren't met.? How can you avoid this?
• In reviewing each Birkman Component, we'll first define the component and discuss what the scores mean. Then, each couple will have time to review and discuss their results. Finally, we'll come back together to discuss all the scores by reviewing a group report. This allows the couples to see how unique each relationship is. This is always a fun time of sharing. We'll repeat this process with each component in the following order:
  • Social Energy – Are you outgoing, eager to meet people and work in teams, or are you selectively sociable and comfortable spending time alone or with just a few people?
  • Physical Energy – Do you like to work on many things at a time, or do you prefer to plan your work and work your plan with few interruptions?
  • Emotional Energy – How do you deal with situations involving feelings and emotions? Are you a "fixer" or a "listener"?
  • Self-Consciousness - How do you speak to people on a one-on-one basis? Are you direct, inciteful, and intuitive?
  • Assertiveness – Do you enjoy straightforward, lively discussions and the opportunity to lead in decision-making, or do you prefer a discreet, less authoritative environment?
  • Insistence – Do you prefer a structured, organized approach to doing things, or are you flexible and seldom do the same thing the same way?
  • Incentives – How do you like to be recognized? Are you competitive, wanting to win, or prefer a team-oriented approach where everyone wins?
  • Restlessness – How do you react to change? Can you stay focused and on the task, or do you like many calls on your attention and are easily distracted?
  • Thought – How do you make decisions? Do you see things in terms of black and white and decide quickly, or do you need time to consider all the options and consequences?
  • Strengths Exercise – We will probably do this during the components discussions. Each couple will receive a list of their and their partner's strengths. They will highlight what they consider to be their strengths and their partner's. They'll then share each other's reports and discuss their similarities and differences.

Facilitators: Bob Bolling is a long-time Chapelwood member and a Master Level Certified Birkman Consultant and Facilitator. He has conducted Couples Workshops at Chapelwood for over ten years. His work with couples is highlighted in the recent book, "The Birkman Method," by Sharon Birkman Fink and Stephanie Capparell.
You can learn more about Bob and his company at www.thepersonalitycoach.net